Thanks For What? (A Letter to America, from Americans to Americans)

Ah, another Thanksgiving in this broad and beautiful land of ours. I propose that today instead of thanking the overlords of turkey and dressing to stuff our faces and fill our bellies while we watch 12 uninterrupted hours of football, we do something worthwhile. This being my absolute favorite holiday, let’s rid ourselves of materialistic shit and let us come together to celebrate and give thanks, as our ancestors have done before us, by celebrating the tradition of how we duped those stupid Indians into giving us their land, and feeding us for it! Ah family time!

But instead of volunteering at a shelter on Thanksgiving or provide some clothing to someone in need, let us not say thanks, but service our fellow Americans by spreading the message that we don’t want illegals here!

Today there are 11 million illegal immigrants in this country. These illiterate people, as the honorable Tea Party leader Michelle Bachmann once put it, are taking our jobs, they are eating our food, these alien invaders are even letting their children mix with our children together in school like they’re both, what, human? My outrage that these people want the best for their families is just indescribable. The nerve on this people to want a better quality of life! Arrogance at its worst!

I propose that in response to Obama- the Communist (you know because of that one thing, I don’t really know what but he’s a commie)- we hold Christian vigils all over the country to spread the Christian message that we will not help any goddamn invaders into our country! White Jesus disapproves of their desires to live better, peaceful lives in our big-enough country that was given by heaven to US!

So what if the majority of them just works hard and pays their taxes? Those people with little to no skills, who barely speak the language, who are all alone in this foreign country, who get up every single morning to look for a job that barely pays enough for them to subsist, are stealing the jobs of Americans who can demand more money, who do speak the language, who can get up early to find a job and who have all the connects! And top it off, the bastards actually get the jobs! I have never wanted a job that hard! I mean dishwasher?  Please! That’s for the hood people. I want a nice, cozy office job that pays $18-25 an hour. Anything below that, I will just say it’s stolen by the brown ones.

Anyway, I don’t see why we’re thanking god for this plentiful food that we can’t even finish- and which we’ll probably end up throwing away, I’d rather find some small plot of “Indian” land and share some food with those guys. Good sports they are. Even after our forefathers duped into thinking we were going to be good neighbors, our Indian brethren fed them! Poor sops! And adding insult to injury, our people even made a tradition of it! See now that’s some good ol’ fashioned fun.

Here’s what needs to happen really, we need to march straight into the welfare offices and take our money back from their greasy hands. I’m not really sure if illegals can collect welfare, but some people said they did so I believe them. And why the hell not, it’s our money, right? And what about those that get paid with checks? Those taxes that they can’t skip on and will never be able to collect, is ours because it was paid for with jobs they stole from us. Oh and that about paying them with cash under the table so that they avoid taxes, yeah well we’re gonna put a stop to that, let’s add MORE taxes on the stuff they buy with that money, that’ll teach ’em. Bastards think they can just get the economy moving with “their” money despite the marginal number of border-jumpers who don’t pay taxes. Yeah right. Not on my watch.

I propose that this Thanksgiving, instead of eating to a comatose state, we walk straight to the border and erect better and taller walls than have been built already to protect a tiny portion of the two thousand miles of border. We will not only build a much better border fence than those immigrants have built to keep their own compadres out, but it will provide Americans more jobs!

Tomorrow let’s all place one hand on our bibles and the other on our Berettas and denounce these criminals. And while we’re at it, let’s ask the Injuns if they can spare some more land because ours is spreading pretty thin already.

Think about it, an America without illegals. Hell, let’s dream bigger, an America without any immigrants! Sweet. No one to steal your job, your food and your identity. Oh yeah you guys thought I had forgotten huh? These fucking people apply to American jobs who hire them for much less with social security numbers of American citizens. So instead of going after these fuckers, let’s just round up the parents of innocent kids who believe they are American just because they were born here and Air-ship them back to their shit-poor “nations” whose politicians have multi-million dollar deals with American companies who set up shop against the will of the people and take the few bucks these miserable roaches have. Yeah they provide jobs in their countries, so the fuck what? Let’s pay ’em way less than we would an American working at Wal-Mart (and that’s saying a lot). We as Americans have a natural responsibility to conquer the world through economic imperialism and why the hell shouldn’t we, it is our birthright given to us from our conquistador roots!

As far as those kids go, who gives a shit. Ship ’em back or let them rot in the foster-home system, what do I care. If it creates more inequality and resentment then so be it. Sometimes that’s the only way to learn.

And for those who say that we should create a comprehensive immigration bill supported by both Congress and the White House that puts these people at the end of the line, makes them pay billions in back taxes (not to mention the application fees which would be another few hundred million bucks), and makes them pay penalties, all the while strengthening the border, I say that you are a fucking traitor! The U.S. is not all about money! It’s the principle that matters. If we invaded- some ignorant fucking liberals would call it “illegally invaded”- Panama, Grenada, Iraq, Afghanistan, Vietnam, Mexico and some other shitty countries I don’t care about, it’s only because the strong sentiment of freedom should be spread throughout the world, and we should be the ones who do it!

I’m telling you, there are plenty of things to be thankful for- that we have a completely free and lawful society where no one does wrong; that our politicians are honest, hard-working people; that our police forces protect our population better by militarizing more and more; that our banks are more safe and secure than ever because we help them out when they need it; that our war on drugs is an unquestionable success; that education is the thing we focus on the most; but our love for this Christian nation is what I give most thanks about, for it is these Christian principles that keep us being the best country in the world.

As for the Communist dictator, we will sue you, fire you, and if we can, we will overthrow you. For it’s nothing less than what you deserve.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Thank the lord for the freedom we have and the compassion we share! Love your brethren as you love yourself… or something like that. But let’s get these moochers out of our land! Long live America! I’m off to kill me a turkey now.

P.S. If you’re an illegal reading this (provided you can read), heed my warning that we will come for you!




For more information on these issues, read:



All Wikipedia articles used in this blog were used because they could be cross-referenced with reputable articles and/or provide enough references and/or credible sources; or because they have a “good article” rating.


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